Monday, January 5, 2015

No room for demons

Image by Robert Ullman
I’ve been listening to the audiobook version of Amy Poehler’s book ‘Yes Please’. There’s a chapter in which she writes/narrates the sad tale of the demon within us all. It’s the horrible voice that sidles up to you and snaps ‘You have way too much cleavage for that dress’ or ‘Purple eyeshadow is not good on you, you look like you have two plums instead of eyes’ and other less PG rated gripes, moans, cackles and swipes. The best thing about the demon voice in Poehler’s audiobook is that it is read by a deep-voiced man. It could be Seth Meyers, Mike Schur, Eileen Poehler, William Poehler, or Patrick Stewart who all have talent credits in her audiobook. Whoever it is, he made the demon sound like a cross between Barry White, a catcall from a building site and that guy who does the love songs and dedications on 101.7FM who makes me feel queasy. That demon voice turned up in my yoga class the other day.

I do yoga in a gym which means two of the four walls are all mirrors. I turned to my right and the demon voice and I caught a glimpse of my arms raised over my head.
‘Ugh!’ said the demon ‘Those arms and you do not belong in this yoga class. They’re too white . . . ‘
‘Shut up, demon’ I said. ‘I’m here to do yoga, not listen to you’.

The demon slunk to the back of the room and hid behind the swiss balls.I kept on with the yoga, enjoying the stretch, breathing in and out.Later, as I stood in Warrior Two, I gazed out beyond my fingertips and again we caught a glimpse of my reflection. I turned away as quickly as I could, but not fast enough.The demon was by my side in a flash.

‘Dear Lord, you look like a lumpy balloon in that singlet top!’ He droned into my ear. ‘Lumpy!! Balloo”
‘F**** off, demon.’ I said ‘I can’t do yoga and listen to you. You’re just going to have to go.’He folded his arms, pouted and disappeared on my next exhalation.

I like that Amy Poehler has given the demon voice a timbre that is not my own.

It makes it easier to differentiate between what the demon says (lies) and what is true (none of it).

Down with demons. Hurrah for clever, smart, funny women.

BTW – if the saying is true that you’re influenced by the 5 people with whom you spend the most time, then lately I’ve been hanging out with Tara Moss, Lena Dunham and now Amy Poehler. I know they’re not really there, but they narrate their own audiobooks and it makes me feel like we’ve had a good sit down and chat.